First, some background so y’all can understand some things.
Three weeks ago, my dog Molly (picture at the top left of the blog) jumped up onto the bed while I was reading before bed. Bed sits about 3 feet off the floor, and she decides to take a running start rather than using the step stool at the foot. She’s a rambunctious girl ;). Anyway, 65 lb Molly, at a run, lands her first paw in this invasion right between my instep and my ankle. Needless to say, it was painful.
So, I get up the next day, and the foot is stiff and sore. I go about my day. I get to the office at the usual 5ish am, and hit the gym. Shouldn’t have gotten on the treadmill and elliptical, but the foot was only stiff at this point. Went home, walked the kids and mowed the ever treacherous back lawn (rough terrain and swampy soil, welcome to South Jersey). Next morning, I woke up and could barely walk.
I reach into the medkit and Ace bandage the foot, thinking it must be a sprain. Go about my day. By the following day, Saturday, I needed my cane to walk. Yes, I own a cane (ok, 4 plus a walking stick or two). I have a tricky knee after an injury or three and a lifetime of doing stupid things. Like walking on this foot for days.
Which brings us to the white trash next door…
For the five years we’ve both lived on this block, here’s a rundown of the fun stuff they’ve done:
- Tore down the house on their lot, and built a new one (doesn’t sound bad… wait)
- Left the construction waste from this project in their yard and dumped portions of it into the lake
- Among the debris left behind, the 375 gallon home heating oil (diesel) tank. Left to sit rusting in the back yard for 5+ years.
- Dumped at least 8 truck loads of concrete waste into the lake in an attempt to expand their lot.
- Built the new house facing the lake. This has the front facing 90 degrees away from the street. The borough made them cut(!) a door and two windows into the side of the house, since local law requires that police and firefighters must be able to find a visible entrance while standing at the curb.
- Placed a 12 foot diameter trampoline in the back yard, which their two children would jump on at 11 pm or later, even on school nights.
- Let their dogs out each morning, always forgetting that the dogs would then leave the unfenced yard for some exploration and adventure. Then stand on the porch in bard feet yelling into the neighborhood for the dogs to return. At 5 to 6 am. Every. Single. Day.
- The van. When running, they would charge up and down our dead end street (clocked by local law at 55 once) with this Chevy big block (and a bad muffler) at all hours. Once it failed inspection for the 3rd or so time (and the state game them the big orange FAILED sticker), they left it to rust at the back of the driveway. Till the tires all went flat. When they bought a new Oldsmobile, they took the plates off it. In our town, a vehicle with no tags, no registration, stored out doors for more than two weeks, is considered derelict.
- Trash… never seen so much trash from a household of 4 (before the teenage daughter got knocked up twice by boys unknown, so now 6). And until their recent brush with the county, no lids on the cans (some of which stolen from other houses down the street) and attracting squirrels, opossums and raccoons. They’ve tried to claim that it is all dry trash, since they have a disposal, but the pile of chicken wings on top of the can when the police showed up one day put the lie to that.
- Speaking of the police… having 2-4 squad cars show up on out block is no longer a rare occurrence.
- Also speaking of the police, these folks call the police on the whole block for the slightest thing. Our one neighbor parks his truck 1 inch over the painted line? They call the cops at 5 am. This is not an exaggeration. 1 inch. If my lawn (or anyone but theirs) is over 4 inches, they call the cops.
- I put out some Havahart squirrel repellent, to keep the rodents their yard attracts away from mine. They called the cops, told them I was poisoning the animals. Cops came to my door thinking I had called on them, but the poor officer read the note wrong. Of course, they waited until I was normally at work, but that day I overslept and my truck was parked where they couldn’t see it from their yard. The cops promptly told them I had done no wrong, and maybe they should have asked me before calling the police.
- On the topic of squirrels. In order to relocate them, you must take them 7 miles away. To get rid of the squirrels that had taken up residence in my soffets(sic), I placed live traps (again, Havahart) and relocated them to Philadelphia’s river park, near my office. This is both over 7 miles away, and over a rather large river. If the squirrel can get home after this (and not be jacked by the skwerls in da hood), he is welcome to stay. Anyway, the woman next door decided to tell the neighborhood that I was capturing and torturing cats. And that I was a “homo”. While I was new in town, still nobody believed her story of the cat molesting queer. And they (3 seperate houses) promptly warned me about what she was saying. Man, I wish I had gone for slander back then… damn me and my aversion to lawsuits. BTW, squirrel traps are too small for cats. You need to move up to coon sized if you want to get the cats.
- Speaking of which, their house, 2 of 3 cars and much of their life is funded by… lawsuits and insurance settlements
- Depending on whom she is talking to, and the day of the week, the mother of the household has had Parkinson’s disease, cancer, lymphoma and a few other diseases. Whatever featured prominently on ER that week, I suspect.
- They put an above ground pool in their front yard. Yes, the front. You can see their pool before you can see their house.
- The borough said the pool was supposed to go in back (it would have involved clearing some oak trees, so they didn’t), and 4 feet from the property line to boot. It isn’t, so they got the fine called for in the building code. $1,000 a day.
- After 30 days, the fines stopped (by court order) and the lawsuits between them and borough began. Over the last few years, each summer they neglect to chlorinate properly, and the pool becomes an emerald green mosquito incubator. The superior court ruled that the issue should go back to the zoning board for a second hearing.
- They are playing games to delay the zoning hearings. They have a lawyer that knows all the tricks, like asking for survey documents the day of the hearing that he knows are stored at the county seat and can’t be retrieved in time for the hearing.
- They allow the weeds to grow up around their pool and the county land next to them to hide the pool and the fact that they are using county land as their own. If borough or county people come to cut down the brush, they chase them off.
- Speaking of which, they have threatened violence on the zoning inspector. More than once.
- And there is more, but I think you get the picture.
So, the other weekend, the county took an active hand, and sent them 4 tickets. 1 for the weeds and brush, 1 for the oil tank, another for the trash in the yard (including the 4 lawn mowers sitting out in all seasons) and for the abandoned van. Their response? Declare war on all the neighbors.
Which brings me back to my foot. I had planned for that following weekend to work on paneling my den. Had some friends coming over to help, but was going to cancel because of the foot. You see, it turns out I had dislocated a little bone in there, and had I not gone to the podiatrist, it would have popped out and needed surgery to get in. Nice doc that he is, he popped it into place and gave me pills and instructions to play nice.
Well, the white trash waited until the rest of the block was working, and were spotted with a note pad and camera, climbing all over everyone’s properties. They were gone by the time the police arrived (they had their son watching the intersection the cops need to come down, it seems), so no charges of trespassing. The local senior citizens and the cops all warned us that night.
So, I ended up having to finish some outstanding projects, like breaking up an old concrete walkway and clearing the vines in the back yard. Since I already had a labor force and the weather was nice, we decided to go hog wild.
We got a dumpster (good friend and fellow harassed neighbor is a roofer, so we got a great price) and tore out the crappy old deck. It was up to code, but I have hated it since I bought the house. We trimmed the trees, pulled a stump or two. Moved my shed from one side of the yard to the other. I fed them beer, burgers sausage and sports drinks. In less than 5 hours, we had done a total yard make over.
This of course pissed off the bukra. We were making too much noise, and they called the cops. The cops, informed in advance of this project, told them to mind their own business, but call after dark if it persists. They called about the dumpster, but the cops again told them to mind their business, since it was on my land and only had construction waste in it, no chemicals or garbage.
And of course, the fact that the queer next door could put together a work crew over night and only have to pay them with a BBQ really steamed them too. Never mind that it is simple friendship and neighborly behavior that got my land spruced up so quickly and easily. They clearly have no conception of these concepts. Just like the semi-steady pace of cars full of women in my drive way doesn’t seem to influence their belief that I am gay. But then again, I read, have a steady job, moved in from Collingswood and won’t drink liquor stored below eye level in a bar… so of course I must be a homosexual. Silly me.
As a result of this yardapalooza, I had to soak my foot in a bucket Saturday night, and the gimping will continue a bit longer than I’d have liked. But the yard is perty, and as soon as I can walk without assistance, I will be putting in pavers and gravel to replace the old walk way. Maybe those little solar foot lights too.
In another 2 weeks, the zoning board meets again. The entire neighborhood plans to go now, even the people that stayed home in July. Everyone has had enough of theses people and their bullshit. As we understand it, if they lose, they will have to remove the pool AND pay the month’s worth of fines. Add this to the 5,000 in fines they claim the county hit them with, and this could be the end of these people in our lives. Esp since the EPA is also looking into the dumping and the leaking from the oil drum.
Not that we don’t think they will try to go out fighting.
I'd write more, but my "gym break" is over. Man, I can't wait until next week when I am allowed back. For some reason they don't want already injured people using the equipment.... ;)
Recent Comments